Today I made a vital error, instead of picking up the Heat/Closer combination on sale in Tescos (trash I know but obviously it gets worse) I mistakenly grabbed Reveal/Best and put it through the self service along with my packet of Extra and garam masala. My excuse for wanting to buy this rubbish is that I am taking a seven hour train journey today, a poor one I know.
Anyways, having never heard of Best I decided to have a quick flick through...Frozen in time...what's up with Sharon's face? and an obviously qualified Lorraine Kelly discussing the value of rehab for sex addicts were among my favourite articles.
However, it was not til I reached BLITZ YOUR BELLY LOSE 10lb IN 14 DAYS that I began to believe these magazines should acutally be illegal.
Problem Number One: The main photo was of a woman no bigger than a size ten struggling to do up some shorts that if anything looked too big for her.
Problem Number Two: The diet. Breakfast on Monday was beans on toast. However, you could only have one slice of toast and 4 tablespoons of low sugar baked beans. Could you imagine cooking four tablespoons of beans? Half of your meal would be left as residue in the pan. Why don't these people eat the whole can and then do some exercise?
Problem Number Three: The handy hints dotted across the double spread page in pretty pink circles. The worst offender: Chew your food slowly so you don't gulp down excess air as you eat. Oh God. Breathing is going to make me look fat. I would hope that everyone reading this would take the same stance as me, yes eat slowly because it takes the human brain around 2o minutes to register that we're full, not because you might eat some air. However, something tells me that there will be teenage girls out there trying not to breathe as they chew down Tuesday's lunch, '4 oatcakes topped with ham and tomato and served with pickled onions'.
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